Information Flow
In Today's Journal
* The Bradbury Challenge
* Information Flow
* New Release Alert
* The Writing
* The Numbers
The Bradbury Challenge
There is no cost. The only requirement is to report at least one short story per week in the following format. Feel free to jump in at any time.
I’m thinking maybe Vanessa Kilmer forgot to send her story info this time. (grin)
The following writers reported these new stories:
Christopher Ridge "Death with a Twist" 2810 noir
Dave Taylor " Welcome Home Soldier” 3,663 Magic Realism
Congratulations to these writers.
Information Flow
This is one of those next-level things I keep rattling on about. A great example popped up yesterday morning as I started cycling through the current novel. I provided the entire sub-scene for context.
Here's the original passage (a sub-scene):
As I pressed Accept and the message disappeared, Aspen came into the bedroom, still dressed in her pink robe. “Is everything okay, baby?”
I looked up and smiled. “Yeah, I’m good. I got an assignment, but I shouldn’t be gone too long. It looks like an in-and-out thing. Panama City.”
She shrugged. “Well, new job and all that.”
“On this one I’m not the COLT. That’s why I said it shouldn’t be long. But I have to fly out ‘soonest’ again, so—”
“Okay, baby. So say three days?”
“Yeah. One pair of jeans, a few t-shirts, socks, you know.”
“I’ll pack for you while you check for flights.”
I slipped the device back into the drawer and closed it, then got up. “Thanks, baby.” I kissed her on the forehead.
Here's the result after cycling:
As I pressed Accept and the message disappeared, Aspen came into the bedroom, still dressed in her pink robe. “Is everything okay, baby?”
I looked up and smiled. “Yeah, I’m good. I got an assignment, but I shouldn’t be gone too long. It looks like an in-and-out thing. Panama City.”
She shrugged. “Well, new job and all that.”
“On this one I’m not the COLT. That’s why I said it shouldn’t be long. But I have to fly out ‘soonest’ again, so—”
“Okay, baby. I’ll pack for you while you check for flights. Say three days?”
“Yeah. One pair of jeans, a few t-shirts, socks, you know.” I slipped the device back into the drawer and closed it, then got up. “Thanks, baby.” I kissed her on the forehead.
If you missed it, the information in paragraphs 5, 6, 7, and 8 (of 8) of the original is now included in paragraphs 5 and 6 (of 6) of the "clean" copy after cycling.
See what I mean about "down in the weeds" and "nuances"?
This doesn't make a huge difference in what the reader gets from the passage, but the information flow is improved. As a result, the reading itself is a little more compact, easier, and more immediate.
As the subscene is presented now, it will pull the reader a little deeper into the story.
Notice too that what happens in the sub-scene (the content) isn't changed. The only change is how the information is presented to the reader.
Another Nuance
from a little later in the novel during the same cycling session:
The original two paragraphs read
When Consuela finally settled the chopper into a circle it felt like we were just above the canopy of the jungle. I could feel the reverberation from the blades reflecting off the canopy and against the deck of the cargo bay.
I glanced at Ramón. “Coming in low?”
I've always said it's a good idea to avoid using the 'sense' verbs (any form of see, hear, smell, taste, or feel)—including could see, could hear, could smell, could taste, and could feel—in fiction.
If the character felt something, for example, he wouldn't say he could feel it. He would simply describe what he felt. Since he's describing it, of course he must have felt it.
Yet I used one in the first paragraph.
During cycling, the passage became
When Consuela finally settled the chopper into a circle it felt like we were just above the canopy of the jungle. The reverberation from the blades reflected off the canopy and against the deck of the cargo bay.
I glanced at Ramón. “Coming in low?”
See the difference?
Again the reading itself is a more compact, easier, and more immediate.
New Release Alert
Blackwell Ops 44: Sam Granger | Following the Ghost Trail will release at Amazon and everywhere else on June 21, 2025.
But it's available NOW for purchase for a dollar less at my online discount store.
The Writing
Owing to a very late Saturday night, 4 hours' sleep, and a trip to Tucson, I didn't write yesterday. Other than putting up BO-44, cycling through about 4,000 words of BO-45, and prepping this issue of TNDJ I gave myself the day off.
I'm itching to get back to BO-45.
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 770
Writing of Blackwell Ops 45: Sam Granger | Continuing Along the Ghost Trail
Day 1…… 2637 words. To date…… 2637
Day 2…… 3648 words. To date…… 6285
Fiction for May………………………... 78022
Fiction for 2025………………………. 456435
Nonfiction for May………………........ 21670
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 122760
2025 consumable words…………….. 572685
Average Fiction WPD (May)……...... 3121
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 11
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 27
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………..... 115
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 297
Short story collections……………………. 29
Whatever you believe, unreasoning fear and the myths that outlining, revising, and rewriting will make your work better are lies. They will always slow your progress as a writer or stop you cold. I will never teach the myths on this blog.
Writing fiction should never be something that stresses you out. It should be fun. On this blog I teach Writing Into the Dark and adherence to Heinlein’s Rules. Because of WITD and because I endeavor to follow those Rules I am a prolific professional fiction writer. You can be too.
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Questions are always welcome at harveystanbrough@gmail.com. But please limit yourself to the topics of writing and publishing.
These are common problems that many new writers have. I see and comment on them in the critiques I do, but also struggle with them at times in my own writing.
If I wanted to keep the reader distant from a POV character, for example it's a prologue and the character dies at the end, would using "could hear" work as a distancing technique?
I know using power words works to create distance, but I'm on the look for new POV control techniques.