Writing Sex
In Today's Journal
* Writing Sex
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
Writing Sex
First, I'm not talking specifically about writing porn or erotica here. I'm talking about writing sex even in a family friendly novel.
But if your genre is erotica or even something stronger, the following will apply for you too. Read on.
Second, know that less is always more. In sensual scenes, the goal is to entice the reader and keep him or her reading.
Third, know that focusing down matters.
Less is more, but focusing down on what you DO put on the page makes it more enticing.
Alfred Hitchcock first put forth (and proved) the notion that the monster the viewer never actually sees—or sees only in a flash-blur—is more frightening. The lead-up, the heightened anticipation, is what does it.
Likewise, when writing sex, what you DON'T put on the page is often more enticing, erotic, and titillating than what you DO put on the page.
In writing non-sexual scenes, I usually advocate writing everything the POV character sees, hears, smells, tastes, or touches. If it wasn't important, the POV character wouldn't have noticed or sensed it.
But in erotic scenes, you want to balance the physical senses with the nuances invoked by those senses.
What the reader doesn't actually see, hear, smell, taste or touch engages his imagination and pulls him deeper into the story to find out what happens next.
Nuance, insinuation, and the heightened physical and emotional senses (and heart rate) are your most powerful tools.
Sex Is Psychological Suspense
I'm known for writing psychological suspense. It permeates everything I write: every short story, every novella, and every novel.
To achieve psychological suspense means to let the reader see or hear what's in the mind of the characters, especially the emotions.
In both the foreplay (leadup-to) and the culmination of the act, sex IS psychological suspense.
It's a heady mixture of the characters' (and readers') expectations of what s/he hopes is about to happen coupled with the actuality of what does happen (or, in memories, has happened).
Not only in the bedroom or wherever but in the lead-up to the act. And in the coming-back-to-Earth followup to the act.
Writing what's in the mind of the POV character is straightforward, though to get it all in—including all the nuances—requires cycling back over it until you Know It's Right: until you know you've left nothing on the table and that nothing passed through the character's mind without you noticing it.
Writing what's in the mind of the other character(s) is a little more complicated and a little more difficult, but not much, with practice.
To write what's in the mind of the other character(s)—or more to the point, what the POV character BELIEVES is in the mind of the other character(s)—requires you to pay attention to the POV character's observations of the other character(s):
physical attributes (yes, including his or her nose, toes, fingers and that stray mole in a strategic place)
reactions (looks, motions, twitches, trembling, beads of sweat, heavy breathing, the other character running the tip of his or her tongue over his or her lips, etc.
Most of the sex scenes I've written span whole chapters in bits here and pieces there. I think the best personal example I've written is the Soleada Garcia subseries (7 full novels).
Even in a family friendly novel, you can write a good sex scene in any of three ways, none of which involves a direct, graphic description of the physical act of culmination. Those ways are
The MeetCute—The furtive looks or glances, smiles or tentative half-smiles, a gesture or halting gesture, the scents (not only of the characters but of other things in the scene, e.g. candles, food, furniture polish, etc. Remember, the senses are heightened.
The Invitation—This is the initial invitation, conveyed with the eyes or the smile or the gesture. This might be a nuanced invitation to coffee or lunch or a walk or whatever.
The Acceptance of the Invitation and (in a family-friendly novel) the Before and After Culmination Leap—Here, direct description is great but include all the little nuances too.
If there's ever a time to take my advice to Slow Down and Take Your Time writing a scene and cycling, a sex scene written in any of the above ways is that time.
In every step along the way, you can write, for both characters, the ecstasy (his/her mental expectations met or exceeded) and the disappointment (his/her mental expectations not met).
As you probably (and unfortunately) know, there are varying levels of disappointment. Depending on those levels, disappointment is sometimes—but rarely, when it comes to sex—a deal breaker.
Of course, one exception would be one would-be partner's obvious and blatant disinterest in proceeding or continuing. But that would never come up in a fiction. If one or the other character simply isn't interested there's no scene to write. (Yeah, there’s rape, but that isn’t a sex scene. That’s a horror scene.)
Conveying to the reader what's in the mind of the other, non-POV character(s) requires the insertion (sorry) of hints via the characters' demeanor:
a furtive or direct look or glance,
a frown or arched eyebrows,
the eyes suddenly gone wide,
nostrils flaring slightly,
the physical response of a body part (the skin or any other body part),
the breathing and frequency of respirations,
an audible gasp,
sweat droplets on the skin,
a curious frown,
the character's posture and body language,
a gesture,
a twitch in the leg(s) or fingers,
a tightening or loosening of the grip,
the fingers curling into a fist or going slack, and
almost anything else you can imagine.
Or rather, anything else the other character displays and the POV character notices and you are attentive enough to put on the page.
You can't make this stuff up.
Well, you CAN, but if you try it will feel forced to the reader. Just write what happens. But cycle back, several times if necessary, to make sure you didn't miss or omit anything.
Again, you can write that directly for the POV character by writing his/her direct thoughts. And you can write that indirectly for the non-POV character(s) as described above.
All of the above pertains to writing sex scenes, but if you've been paying attention, you might have noticed it also pertains to writing non-sex scenes. Hey, when you get the thrust of it (I'm so sorry) good writing is good writing.
But you must be in the mind of the POV character in order to do this well. Give it a try. You might enjoy it.
In romantic love scenes, write the steady, bit by bit, focused-down by focused-down, advance of overwhelming emotion and physical sensation as that emotion or sensation is influenced and enhanced by various physical touchstones along the way.
This can last through a day or a week or longer in the buildup. Write both sides of the imagined rush to the nest, and finally culminate it with the actual, shared rush to the nest and the lovely, exhilarating exhaustion afterward, replete with gasps, giggling, and smiles. Remember to allow the characters to take their time in exploring the wonderful new Other.
In first innocent-engagement scenes, write the anxiety and wonder (emphasis on the innocence) as those are being overtaken by and morphed into emotions. This can last from the first timid holding of the hands all the way through the act of intercourse and the following cooling-down period.
If you do this correctly, even in our politically correct world, every distributor out there will disseminate the story without the threat of a closed account hanging over your head.
Of Interest
H.L. Mencken and the Birth of Black Mask Magazine: A Pulp Empire He Didn’t Respect
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 1290
Writing of Blackwell Ops 45: Sam Granger | Ghost Trail 2
Day 1…… 2637 words. To date…… 2637
Day 2…… 3648 words. To date…… 6285
Day 3…… 3483 words. To date…… 9768
CUTS…… -4437 words. To date…… 5331
Day 4…… 3212 words. To date…… 8543
Day 5…… 2715 words. To date…… 11258
Day 6…… 2044 words. To date…… 13302
Day 7…… 2280 words. To date…… 15582
Day 8…… 2901 words. To date…… 18483
Day 9…… 2863 words. To date…… 21346
Day 10…. 3922 words. To date…… 25268
Day 11…. 2765 words. To date…… 28033
Day 12…. 3544 words. To date…… 31577
Day 13…. 5761 words. To date…… 37338 (done)
Fiction for June………………………. 24036
Fiction for 2025………………………. 487488
Nonfiction for June………………....... 8220
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 134370
2025 consumable words…………….. 615348
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 12
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 27
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………..... 116
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 297
Short story collections……………………. 29
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Questions are always welcome at harveystanbrough@gmail.com. But please limit yourself to the topics of writing and publishing.
“Alfred Hitchcock first put forth (and proved) the notion that the monster the viewer never actually sees—or sees only in a flash-blur—is more frightening. The lead-up, the heightened anticipation, is what does it.”
This, in the context of writing sex scenes, made me laugh out loud. Excellent comparison, though.
I’ve always kept things family friendly in my stories but I think this will be useful advice nonetheless.
Ah, yes. I faked it. I see that now, but did not realize it until you pointed it out. Thank you Harvey!