Caution, and More About Yesterday's Post
In Today's Journal
* One Big, Huge, Massive Caution
* More About Yesterday's Excerpt
* WRITING BETTER FICTION FLASH SALE!
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
One Big, Huge, Massive Caution
I'm starting to think maybe I made a mistake and did you a disservice by offering that post yesterday. Here's the big overall point:
Remember that I made those changes on the fly. What took me over a couple of hours to explain in TNDJ took me only several seconds to actually do. And I did it all during cycling, while in the creative subconscious.
You might or might not be 'ready' to receive information to that depth yet, and that's perfectly fine. If you aren't ready yet, and if you keep writing and practicing, you will be ready later.
So the point is, having read my excerpts and the accompanying explanation yesterday and today, Don't Think About Them As You Write.
Remember, this is 'down in the weeds stuff.'
Many readers wouldn't be adversely affected by that passage I excerpted in yesterday's post no matter which way I presented it.
If You Want to Consider (conscious mind) such things further, read my or someone else's fiction for pleasure first.
As you read, mark any passages that you strongly like or dislike, and after you're through reading for pleasure, go back and study the passages you like or dislike.
In studying those passages, think about what you liked or didn't like as a reader, and how you would do (or not do) the same as a writer. That's how you learn.
Then when you write, all of that will be in your creative subconscious and the characters will what you've learned as necessary.
I've learned a ton from Hemingway and King and a few others doing exactly that. So with all of that said, here's
More About Yesterday's Excerpt
Writer Manisha sent me a great question re yesterday's post in a comment. Here's her question, followed by my response:
"What is the difference if you write 'his head was bowed' vs 'his head bowed' or 'his suitcoat was draped' vs 'his suitcoat draped'? As a reader, I don’t care but as a writer I feel like I use 'was' too much and try to remove it where I can during cycling. Am I wasting my time or do you think that is beneficial?"
Great question. Thank you.
First, "His head was bowed" is a complete sentence, whereas "his head bowed" (where "bowed" is an adjective) is only a phrase. In the case of the first excerpt, that phrase was among several others, which led to the convolution (in my readerly opinion).
As the writer, I'm guessing the average reader would be pulled deeper into the scene with the second excerpt rather than the first because in the second he would have to focus however briefly on each aspect of the scene.
(I might be wrong. The 'average' reader might rather flash through the description as in the first, to me convoluted, excerpt. But in the end, that's all down to the reader. As writers, we can only present the scene and story in what we believe is the best possible light.)
To explain...
In the second (revised) excerpt, the use of "was" in the construction of the sentences in the third paragraph is also a matter of timing.
It enables the use of whole sentences, each with a full stop (period) afterward, rather than a quick series of phrases. The POV character noticed those aspects one at a time, so that's how I (slowed down and) presented them.
In the second excerpt, the reader also has to notice them one at a time (focus) because each is in its own sentence. But he still also gets through them fairly quickly because they're all delivered in the same paragraph.
An aside about "was"...
Some instructors will tell you "was" creates passive construction and to recast any sentence that includes it. To put it bluntly, they're wrong.
When any state of being verb (am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been) is combined with an actual or implied "by" phrase (e.g., "The package was delivered" or "The package was delivered by UPS"), that's passive construction.
But when you're describing a state of being, you can do so only by using a state-of-being verb.
In the case of that second excerpt, "Was" is that state-of-being verb. Since it isn't combined with a "by phrase" (a preposition phrase beginning with "by") it isn't a passive construction.
As you have time, also see "Faux Instructors, and Passive Constructions."
Also remember, my full TNDJ archives are free in downloadable, searchable PDFs at the Journal website. (For more freebies, see the end of this post.)
WRITING BETTER FICTION FLASH SALE!
For anyone who wants it, Writing Better Fiction has pretty much everything you need to write excellent fiction.
And from TODAY March 12 at 5 a.m. through Sunday, March 16 at 5 p.m. you can get it for 30% off (under $10.00).
To get this deal,
Visit the Writing Better Fiction page.
During checkout add coupon code VCP2YKDNDD.
Of Interest
AI, a New German Chase Baker Translation, and More! I recommend watching the short video too.
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 860
Writing of Blackwell Ops 39: More Paul Stone
Day 1…… 2789 words. To date…… 2789
Day 2…… 3308 words. To date…… 6097
Day 3…… 2019 words. To date…… 8116
Day 4…… 4404 words. To date…… 12520
Day 5…… 3598 words. To date…… 16118
Day 6…… 4106 words. To date…… 20224
Day 7…… 3421 words. To date…… 23645
Fiction for March…………………….. 35154
Fiction for 2025………………………. 220985
Nonfiction for March……………........ 10940
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 64870
2025 consumable words…………….. 279345
Average Fiction WPD (March)……... 3196
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 5
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 11
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………..... 109
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 281
Short story collections……………………. 29
Disclaimer: Whatever you believe, unreasoning fear and the myths that outlining, revising, and rewriting will make your work better are lies. They will always slow your progress as a writer or stop you cold. I will never teach the myths on this blog.
Writing fiction should never be something that stresses you out. It should be fun. On this blog I teach Writing Into the Dark and adherence to Heinlein’s Rules. Because of WITD and because I endeavor to follow those Rules I am a prolific professional fiction writer. You can be too.
If you are able, please support TNDJ with a paid subscription. Thank you!
If you’re new to TNDJ, you might want to check out these links:
Oh, and here’s My Bio. It’s always a good idea to vet the expertise of people who are giving you advice.
Questions are always welcome at harveystanbrough@gmail.com. But please limit yourself to the topics of writing and publishing.
Great advice on reading and learning from reading. I will definitely follow that recommendation. Thank you!
Thanks for the clarification on the use of "was".